Flowers

Part 1
It was 15 years ago when I began to conduct a few experiments with trivial things I can easily found. I realized that ordinary yet mysterious stuff around me can be an object of a deep thought. I suppose that's how scientist, let say Newton and Einstein come up with many brilliant ideas.

There are two flowers among them, whose existence is being something I never noticed before, something I didn’t want to pay attention to.

I remember that day I was walking with friends, passed by the abandoned yard thronged with ‘wilding’ and bush. Wedged among those wild plants are some red flowers. Their appearance is obvious: Shaped attractively, yet their petals didn’t catch my attention. Not until one of my friends took one of those flowers harshly, and at that ordinary moment shown us a disgusting spectacle. He ripped out the lower part of it, a tiny green cover that reminds me with a cap, or scarf, but this one suppose to attach to the flower permanently. After mutilating the flower, he observed for a moment, look at something that shouldn’t be exposed to the universe, to the sunshine, to the lustful eyes.
I didn’t understand what would he did with that tiny red thing—the creature whose existence just stops at that moment.

“Look!” He said. Shown us what lays under the “green cap” he ripped out a moment before. That was a liquid. Small amount of clear colorless water. That was the first time I witnessed such a thing. Not until mid-school I clearly understand what the water is. Nectar: the holy water of life. The very essence of their existence. Of course they can count on wind or rainfall to spread their seed. But the fact they provide the ‘water’ in such a way is a proof that this is the matter of life and death for them.

Death is what those flowers would have faced that day. Naturally, bees or another ‘civilized’ creature who needs the nectar will go into the petal. Politely knock the door and entering the very private room of such vulnerable creatures. They are just like a delegate from foreign country entering emperor palace to bring friendship offering and diplomatic treaty. The great mutual symbiosis designed perfectly by God Almighty Himself.
But this ‘filthy’ creature, friend of mine, like European Bandit who called themselves ‘VOC’, literally took everything from the small red creature, including its life, for that crystal clear nectar. He sucked the flower at its lower part that covered by green cover a moment before, the part of pity creature that shouldn’t experience such a thing. After drying up all the nectar inside, he threw away the dying flower.

“That was sweet and delicious.” He cried.
What happened next is something I can’t bear to tell. For it was the greatest looting of life itself, the annihilation of all possibility for the creature to continue its existence by spreading their seed, vandalism to the natural balance.

And I, was not only seeing the incident, but also took a part in that pillage. We left that place after all the flowers ripped out from the tree. They lied died on the ground.


Part 2
It was a rainy day. I hate it because nothing I can do, but the tranquillity clinging in the air I was doing fine staying inside. I watched ‘Wall-E’ movie, laid I my bed with a warm blanket and a bowl of instant noodles. There was the scene when ‘Eva’ discovers the tiny green seed, the only plant survives in the earth. To watch that scene remind me of ‘the white flower’, that’s how I called her. I accidentally found ‘the white flower’ when I play football long ago when I was at elementary school. I forget the detail, but I thought I kicked the ball too hard it flew away and goes under the ditch.

The ditch not very big but little kid in my size can easily cramp to it. When I looked down, the ball was there covered by a layer of mud (not that kind of filthy and stink muds). The water inside the ditch was nearly as clear as water at the aquarium in my house. Even it looked more attractive with all those wild green aquatic flora. Dozens of tiny fish swam around, didn’t realized I watched over them through that crystal clear water. I took the ball. All the fish gone immediately as the water become chaotic. I was just about to leave that place when I saw a white flower attached to the ditch wall. She was alone at that ditch. The size was as big as my hand. Big enough to make her look prominent.

I remembered the “red flower” incident not long before, and I thought if inside those ordinary red flowers lays nectar, there must one that much more delicious lays inside this beautiful flower. I immediately took the flower, killed her without any hesitance, and voilà! I found them. Just like the red flower, all the nectar was hidden over there at the bottom of her body (Of course, I ripped out some “part” of her.).

I sucked it all and was very surprised with what I found. I cried a bit. Such an awful thing! The nectar is rather sweet and delicious, it tastes like a spicy sauce. The most terrible thing I ever taste. It reminds me of an acid at ants body, or perhaps it was similar to it. Perhaps she “eats” the flies, or any bug who dare to disturb her kingdom. She uses the liquid to digested her prey, kind of, perhaps, I am not sure.

After the incident, every time I saw her grow everywhere at a damp wall, surrounded by moss or fern at any kind, I saw something magnificent. She looks like a proud princess between her protectors.

One should not dare to mess with her.

The God of Small Things


Entering 2020 I got a lot of goals to be achieved. Among those goals are all of my articles, essay, journal, or whatever I have written, got translated into English. I found this is the easiest way to push myself drafting. I do give a fuck with grammatical or spelling, but I don’t want to strictly make it perfect.

#1. The God of Small Things, Sunday 20th October 2019

Traveling home to my parents' house at Sukabumi now becomes my new habit. As the distance is relatively close, compare to 2 years ago when I still living in Surabaya, I at least take a short 3 to 4 hours journey in every 3 weeks. It was 28th September 2019 when I took the last journey. At the point I sat down on the train 3 weeks ago, until I found myself inside the same train this morning, I saw the city change bit by bit – I was amazed by how my little city grow.

It takes more than a year after graduating from college until I realized that I was challenged. But by whom?

I shall face the truth, a pretty and enchanting reality that I am NOTHING, while In front of me are thousands of doors from which I shall start over. What I have to do is to decide which door I want to open. I did a lot of mistakes in the past of how I bring myself: I turned to another direction for no good reason and abruptly change my plan. Now every single hesitance, even a thought to start doing a new thing, can easily put me into dejected feeling. I face a big deal problem of how to be an adult, which I rarely given a fuck at before. I realize that a decisive change shall be taken, although I have a lack of resources to understand even the smallest thing, such as a simple rule of thumb of how I have to pay every single stupidity I’ve done.

When randomly took a book from my bookshelf this morning, I found The God of Small Things novel. It belongs to my sister. I don’t remember how it finally ends up there but I steal her books so often, then it makes any sense. The book that told the story about British colonial era in India reminds me of Pramoedya Ananta Toer works, but in another version with different cultural backgrounds. Nevertheless, I found a subtle similarity in how the cruelty is going on.

I’m not going to make a review of the book here. But, there is something slip into my mind just by reading its title and it feels like someone slaps my face.

How I can expect the big thing will happen, if I always ignoring all of little thing scattered around?
I heard about this very often, yet it never put me into this feeling before: to bring myself in such a manner that I never ignore all the little thing.  I never really understand that the trivial can bring the most important thing in my life, or even show me the turning point.

I can’t simply ignoring the daily small act such as praying in mosque, answer my mother’s chat in WhatsApp immediately, or push myself to attend monthly religious talk at my working place. 
I found that taking such things into account, in a serious way, is somehow similar with witnessing my little city growing.